dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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