So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
