Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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