I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
