she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
