im drinking this country out of the recession.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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