new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
