So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
