you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
