i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
