Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
