I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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