Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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