If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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