My friends, they love my intelligence
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
