i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize