I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
