What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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