our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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