I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
