im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
