I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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