So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
