i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
