I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
