We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I touched a dick in church today
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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