Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
