doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
3pm strippers are depressing
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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