This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
