I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
