At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
