We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
