You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
