my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize