I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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