How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
