I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
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