i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Randomize
