He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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