oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
