i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
