Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Randomize