just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
