Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
