don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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