Moan for me like Helen Keller
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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