Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize