I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
