Just mADE A PArabola og urine
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I need water and some morals
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
