More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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