It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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