Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
