im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
