how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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