TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
