Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Randomize
