I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
