If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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