Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
