idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
