My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
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