Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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