So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
