apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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