Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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