Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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