i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Let's get the cat blown out
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
