Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize