My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize