We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
