she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
