im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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