the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
