Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
