Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
