I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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