shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
