I can tuck mytits in my pants
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
