The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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