Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
