Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize