Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
