I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize