My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
