Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
