i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize