you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
