I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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