Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
