my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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