people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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