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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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