you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I deserve this hangover.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
