I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize