he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
