What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
